Activities and Events at Tortuga Pirate Festival 2016
Check back often for the latest updates! Programming requests are now closed for this year.
Also, please join the Tortuga Facebook Group to talk to other event goers about the activities happening at Tortuga!
Remember!! The activities listed below are intended for adults only, meaning people over the age of 18 (and some over the age of 21!).
Official Ceremonies and Court
Opening Court – Friday 5PM
Come to the Governor’s Club to meet the contenders and hear what the weekend is all about
King and Queen Voting in the middle of the Party Compass – Sunday 11AM-2PM (Bring your ID with you!)
Closing Court – Sunday 4PM
Come to the Governor’s Club for Closing Court and to see the new King and Queen of Tortuga Crowned!
Gather your friends and form up as your skills be tested in the Pirate Olympic Games. Feats of strength, of skill, power and dexterity. Will you take home the gold, or will your boasts prove nothing more than hot air beneath the sails? The Pirate Olympic Games will happen during the daytime on Saturday the 5th of September.
Alright Olympians of Tortuga. You have been patient long enough. Here is this years games and schedule. The schedule is written in such a way to make it difficult (but not by any stretch impossible) for you to compete in every event. Please get your teams together and e-mail Katrine 1) Your team Name, 2) Your Team Captain (point of contact), 3) a list of who is on your team, 4) What each team member plans to compete in.
You will notice in your S.A.I.L. books that at the end is a page for “other contests”, these are those other contests. Want to finish you S.A.I.L. and get those DogPounds? Come compete and have a blast. Teams should be at least 6 persons large, there is no maximum number of players per team, there is no maximum number of teams. The 6 person minimum is a suggestion. The Team with the most points will win the “HOUSE CUP” so, if you want to put together a small team you are only screwing yourself. Don’t let those big houses walk away with the cup, band together and win!!
Olympics Check In – Friday Noon-7PM on The MK
Check in with the Games Mystress to get your competitor number, confirm event registration, and ensure smooth transition between games.
Location: Merchants Coliseum
FENCING – 10am-1pm
How to Play:
This is an unarmed competition. All equipment will be provided. Come and dual until one of you becomes weaponless. NO Hands, NO Feet. Single elimination
OBSTACLE COURSE – 1pm-3pm
How to Play:
Run, jump, climb, balance, and don’t spill your liquid… these obstacles will not be the tricky part of this course. Your drink however will be in your cup in your hand at all times and must remain as full as possible while on the course because the more liquid you bring to the finish line the more points you will earn for your team. No Lids this year, no equipment that hasn’t been provided by the course, no addition of fluid, take your time, without wasting time.
NORSE WRESTLING – 3p-finished
How to play:
Wearing a belt, take your opponent to the ground. Touching the ground with anything but your two feet is a win to the other person. Rounds will take place until first, second, and third place are determined. Single elimination for this event.
TUG-O-WAR – 3p-finished
How to play:
Teams of 4, on a 2×12 plank and while balancing pull the other team off their plank. Should any member of the team step off the plank, either at the front of on the sides) that member is out of the round, though the team may continue “man down”. You must have at least one hand of each player on the rope at all times, release of the rope by both hands will count as falling off the plank. If the team wins even short a member (or more than one) the team will start the next round with all 4 members.
Location: Dog Park
CANNONBALL PUT – 10am-12pm
How to play:
Heave, granny toss, underhand throw, anyway you see fit to heft this ball as far from you as possible. No outside equipment will be allowed.
CALL ME ISHMAEL – 12pm-2pm
How to Play:
Throw three harpoons into the Great White Whale, into non-moving targets. Stay behind the set lines for shooting area, the lines are non-negotiable. Each target hit will be 5 points.
SINK THE SHIP – 10am-2pm
Thunder clashes, lightning flashes around you, the seas roll and pitch, while the wind slashes at your face. You are the lone person able to fire the cannons. Can you sink the enemy ship? You only have 6 shots to do it. How much damage can you inflict? Your feet are planted firmly on the deck. You look out over the railing and see the enemy ship. It’s within firing range. Lightning flashes dance across the sky while thunder booms a rhythm. You look around you and realize you are the only one on your feet. Only you can fire the cannon. How much damage can you inflict on your enemy? Can you sink their ship and save the day? 6 shots per person. “Cannon balls” must be fired from the “cannon” provided at the game.
Points: Sail hit – 5 points
Mast hit – 10 points
Hull hit – 20 points.
Total points is the total of 6 shots fired by one person from the firing device provided using the ammunition provided. Judge’s call of hit is final.
DODGE BALL – 3p-finished
How to Play:
Hit the opposing team with the provided cannon balls across the ships sides. Last man standing wins. The teams will be evened out throughout the competition; do not fire on your own side.
Location: Party Circle
RUM RUNNER’S MARATHON – 1pm-finished
Governor Zorgon’s secret… show up to court!!!
BALLOON BOOGIE – 11am-2pm
Teams of 4 – Bracketed event 2 teams at a time.
How do your hips move on deck? Pop the balloon in front of you using only your hips, and the hips to which they are attached. The first member of the team will run down the field to the brace at the other end. Once the first team member is set on the brace, the second team member will follow and thrust their way in until the balloon is no more. The first team member may then return to the end of the line, and the third team member is free to take off to pop the balloon attached to the second team member. Process repeats until the first team member is doing the popping of the fourth team member. Minimum clothing requirements…..a belt to attach the balloon to. There will be an inspection for sharp object on both your front and your back before the games begin.
FLIP CUP – 2pm-4pm
Teams of 6 – Traditional rules. Bring your own BEER/CIDER, and under 21s are welcome to participate with the carbonated beverage of their choosing (again bring your own) Please clarify ability to cheat with the judge.
TUCK & ROLL – 4pm-finished
Teams of 4 – Bracketed event 2 teams at a time
Each team will stand with 2 members at each end of the field. Each team will have 1 toilet plunger, each player will have a roll of toilet paper. Team member 1 will tuck the plunger between legs, stick to the front, and run the field toward their team mates. At the other side of the field Team member 2 will have placed the roll of the toilet paper between their legs so that the hole in the roll is accessible to the stick of the plunger. Using no hands Team member 1 will insert the stick of the plunger into the roll of the toilet paper and remove it from the legs of Team member 2. Once completed Team member 1 will take the roll off the plunger (hands can be used for this portion only) and move to the rear of the remaining team member on that side of the field. The plunger is handed off to Team member 2 to then tuck between their legs and run to Team member 3 (back where the plunger started) and repeat the action again. Once all 4 team member has completed the task of being both the Tuck and the Roll the task is complete.
Well, it is eight of our SeaDog Nation Households / Ships who have stepped up to provide entertainment, games, contests and fun for everyone at the event. Each household is sponsoring a candidate for King and Queen of the Pirates, so consider who you want to vote for as you attend each party. Don’t forget to collect your nine pieces of eight and get your SAIL stamped. Voting will take place on Sunday! Be sure to come to opening court for more information on the activities happening in the party houses and come to the crowning / awards ceremony Sunday evening to see which of the candidates wins.
What are the Nine Pieces of Eight?
The nine pieces of eight are tokens that you can collect throughout the event. You receive your first token at gate when you enter the event, this is your site token. Each party house in the Party Compass will have party tokens with a design that represents them or their party. You can collect these tokens starting Saturday night until they run out. Yes, there is a limited quantity. Come to opening court to learn about a competition that the Party Czarina Zarina O’Carle will be announcing for a chance to win prizes.
2016 Party Token Designs
Our circle of 8 consists of the following households:
* The Draconian Fleet presents a Rocky Horror Pirate Show! Vote for Admiral Elric Brewer and Captain Aine Flynn!
Beast Feast – Friday 9PM
Where you can put Commodore Peleg’s meat in your mouth!
Rocky Horror Pirate Show – Saturday 9PM
Come see our drag show, with all donations going to SASS (sass-lane.org) through the ISCEE (iscee.org)!
* The House of Heresy presents Pain and Pleasure! Vote for Count Fuego and Blackhawk!
The Mustache and Bearding Awards – Saturday 1PM-3PM
Come all Beard’s and You Mustache’s. Bring 25 Bottle Caps, in your Cashes. All must be dressed to match there Follicle Fashion
Contact Person: Captain Nancy of the House of Heresy
Norse Stick Ball at The Dog Park – Sunday 3PM
Come all able bodied men to play and watch the greatest game. Listen for the call and come to the Dog Park.
* The Governor’s Club presents the Underdogs!! King and Queen candidates will be announced at Opening Court!
Sign ups will begin right after opening court.
Topless Tea at Two – Saturday 2PM
Please join the Crimson Dragon Inn for Topless Tea at Two on Saturday at the Governor’s Club. We will be serving a variety of teas to be accompanied by the musical wonders of CutterJack. While we fully encourage all to be topless, this is not a requirement to participate in the tea. Bringing your own cup is a bonus.
The Gong Show at the Governor’s Club – Saturday 3PM
Relive this classic from the 80’s! Compete for a prize with our panel of celebrity judges, but don’t get the gong!
Contact Person: Shae Dravenmore
Beer and Brats with the Governor – Sunday 12AM
Come and join Governor Zorgon at midnight in the Governor’s Club for a beer and brat
Courtesan Breakfast – Sunday 10:30AM
Place your bids throughout the weekend for a 3 course breakfast with the Courtesan of your choice. Breakfast will begin at 10:30AM. Bid early, and check back with Madame Maeve often in the Courtesan Lounge to ensure you have the winning bid. Bidding starts after opening court.
* The Discourse presents a Tentacular Spectacular! Vote for Squid Cardinal Paymon Sameen and Squid Pope Molly Mae The Crusty Bucket!
Come and check out the merchanting wears of the Discourse, Open from 2-6 pm daily!
Kraken Battle – Friday 4PM
Test your wit, cunning, fighting skills and balance, while you fight to the death WITH TENTACLES! Contestants will fight with tentacle boffers on a balancing beam. The first one to fall loses and is sacrificed to the Squid Gods! People of all genders, body types and abilities are encouraged to sign up at The Discourse.
Tentacle Pit Slime Wrestling – Saturday 4PM
Come one, come all, aboard The Discourse, to witness our slimy, messy, tentacle-infested wrestling extravaganza! Feeling brave? Then make your way over to The Discourse and sign up to compete and wrestle your way to gunge-filled victory! You may choose your own worthy opponent or we will match you to one. This is an event open to all genders and body types.
* The Maelstrom Armada presents Games and Libation at the Bad Wolf Pub! Vote for Captain Pride of The Purgitory and Captain Ember of the Uisge Beatha!
* The Blue Wolves and The Consortium present the Wolf’s Head Tavern! Vote for Captain Jai Tail Eller and Stephanie Eller!
Lord Chancellor Ziegler Aqua Vitae of the Consortium bids you bring your adventuring legs on by the Wolf’s Head tavern at the Blue Wolves / Consortium camp for a good old fashioned tavern wine social! Dress as you like, & bring a bottle of vino to share over stories and conversation! Light refreshments will be provided.
Tantalizing Temptress – Saturday 6:15PM
Please join the Blue Wolves at the Wolves Head Tavern and enjoy the incredible dancing talents of Princess Devi Safir, Jemara and Marchioness Aria!
Black Bank Slave Auction – Saturday 7PM
Please join the Blue Wolves at the Wolf’s Head Tavern for the one and only Black Bank
Fire Performance – Saturday 9PM
Come and join the Blue Wolves at the Wolf’s Head Tavern and prepared to be awed by the amazing fire performance talents of Frederick the Reckless, Trixy and other guest performers.
Men of Sea Dogs All Male Review – Saturday 10PM
Come join the Blue Wolves at the Wolf’s Head Tavern. Let the men of Sea Dogs woo
you with their varied talents. A show you will not want to miss.
* The Scarlet Dove and the House of the Blue Wyrm presents Carnal Carnivale! Vote for Captain Sasha Cross for King and Andros Cerulean Cross for Queen!
Come and be dazzled by the sensual belly dance of Admiral Lara O’Meara, while the
crowd gathers for the greatest auction of all time.
Once In A Life Time Elite Auction – Saturday 8:30PM
Come aboard the Scarlet Dove and enjoy a once in a lifetime auction.. Those to be
auctioned shall include, Captain Peacock, Admiral Lara O’Meara, Commodore Morgan, Admiral Jack Cross and Captain
Sasha herself, amongst others.
Feisty Felines Burlesque and Variety Show – Saturday 9PM
Come aboard the Scarlet Dove and be enthralled by the infamous talents of
the lovely Feline crew.
* The Sweet Belly presents a Deep Sea Grotto! Vote for The Tinkers!
Enjoy a drink or three on us! Featuring the Tinkers’ award winning Apple Pie. Please help us avoid the trash heap by bringing your own drinking vessel, if possible.
Pie x 3.14 Contest and Piedome Challenge – Friday 7PM-9PM
Contestants will enter two identical baked pies and a bottle of matching or complimentary pie drink. (Sorry, bottles are not returnable/refundable). Audience will sample baked pie entries and enjoy a good old fashioned pie fight to boot. Grand prize is a shin-obi pie cutter/sword by Musha. Event is hosted by Capt. Gabriel of the Sweet Belly and Nickeless Nickelful, so anything goes!
Poker in the Turtle Room – Friday 7PM
Enjoy the finest of professional poker available in the SeaDog Nation with Percy Proprietor. This is a Texas Hold ‘Em ring table game, hard cold cash only.
Fortune Telling – Friday 7PM-?, Saturday & Sunday – 5PM-7PM
Learn your fortune from Zoltar: A seer, sage, soothsayer, and mystic, all knowing, all seeing, all omnicient, and former campaign manager for Bernie Sanders. Proffer a coin, ask a question, and all will be revealed to you.
Game On – Saturday & Sunday 12PM-5PM
Join us for poker, tablero, yard pool, battle shots, boffer fighting, and other gaming shenanigans! Most games and equipment will be provided, but bring your own if you’d like.
Chanty Sing – Saturday 5-6PM
Enjoy the musical stylings of CutterJack, featuring Toecutter and Jack Swagger from the Torrid Rogues of the Craven Crow. Audience participation in the form of singing or playing or both is strongly encouraged and appreciated!
Seafood Feast – Saturday 7PM-2AM
Enjoy the FRESH bounty of the sea on us! Appetizers include shrimp cocktail shooters and smoked salmon pate, dinner includes grilled albacore tuna and cabbage salad. Non-seafood options will also be available. Please help us avoid the trash heap by bringing your own feastware, if possible.
Music and Dancing – Saturday 8PM-10PM & 11PM-1AM
Enjoy the upbeat, boisterous, and rollicking stylings of Five Pint Mary live and in person! This is a show you don’t want to miss. For more information, visit http://www.fivepintmary.com/
Playing with Fire – Saturday 10PM-11PM
Prepare to be enchanted, mesmerized, and titillated by the artistry and skill of Pyrate Technics! This adult show includes fire dancing and fire fleshing. This is a show you don’t want to miss! Because of safety and confidentiality concerns, we encourage you to look but not touch, and photography and filming are strictly prohibited.
Brunch – Sunday 10AM-12PM
Enjoy the FRESH bounty of the sea on us again, or for your first time if you missed our Seafood Feast on Saturday. Shrimp cocktail shooters, smoked salmon pate, grilled albacore tuna, and cabbage salad, along with mimosas, will be served up as long as supplies last, so come and get it!
Blades for Biffies at Occams Edge – During Business Hours
Bring your dull, dirty, and abused blades to me for sharpening and re-conditioning – most blades are only $5 each. Longer, more difficult pieces run higher, but I also give multiple blade discounts.
ALL funds go to the continuation of more ADA Biffies at Sea Dog Nation events!
Choose Your Weapon Raffle at Occams Edge – During Business Hours until 2PM Sunday
$5 buys you a chance to win ANY one item in my booth; worth up to $130 value! Drawing will be at 2pm Sunday. See Occams Edge for further details. I sell only a total of 50 tickets, and have sold out on tickets for the last 5 years, so get your early!
Tree of Life – Copper Wire Workshop at PixiCraft – Friday 4pm & Sunday 1PM
Learn to make your very own Copper Wire tree of life in PixiCrafts workshop in the merchant circle.
The Spoils of War Slave Auction aboard The Longboat – Friday 7PM
Come take a gander at what treasures the Longboat Vikings have pulled from there holds.
Adult Lifestyles Demos at House Decadence – Friday 10PM
House Decadence will be hosting a few different Alternative Lifestyle Demos, including Basic Scene Negotiation, Aftercare and more.
Come and learn the basics, watch some examples and join in the discussion.
House Decadence Cuddle Puddle – Friday, Saturday, & Sunday at Midnight
Come and join us in our Arabian Nights themed Harem Tent for cuddling and goodies. We will have bellydancers, Arabian lounge music and decadent treats. (with and without cannabis)
Singles, Couples and Groups are welcome.
May contain people cuddling in various stages of undress, some heavy petting may occur.
The HAREM TENT is rated PG-13 and no intercourse is allowed.
(Private space MAY be available, ask House Staff for details.)
Please bring your own pillows and blankets.
Clothing Optional Yoga aboard Siren’s Calling – Saturday & Sunday 11AM
Join Siren’s Calling for beginner friendly, body positive, clothing optional yoga to start your day. Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s encouraged! Stretch your sea legs or limber up for your evening of debauchery. Bring your own mat or towel if you prefer.
Alchemy and Mixology Competition aboard The MK – Saturday at Noon
Bring your best brew or mix.
Categories – Baked goods, specialty shots (pudding or jello), mixed drink, wine/mead/cordial, beer/cider
No contest for grossest or most deadly!
Judges love bribes.
Black Powder Beyond the Mound – Saturday & Sunday 12PM-2PM
From 12 to 2 in the field beyond the mound, black powder demonstrations will be allowed. If you are interested in participating, please gather at 11:45 on the field for weapon inspection. PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE MAY BE CANNON FIRE AND LOUD GUN FIRE DURING THIS TIME.
The Safe and Fun Way to Discipline Your Crew Part 1 aboard The Captive Maiden – Saturday 3PM
Instructor Author and staff. Location the Captive Maiden
Dungeon. What to bring, cuffs, rope, irons, etc., crew member for practice. Note taking stuff and chair. Donations are greatly appreciated.
The Safe and Fun Way to Discipline Your Crew Part 2 aboard The Captive Maiden – Saturday 4PM
Instructor AIlithir and staff. Location Captive Maiden Dungeon.
Bring your stuff from the previous class and implements of destruction canes floggers etc… We will go over safe ways to use them for a very Basic safety class and use. Donations are greatly accepted.
First Annual House Decadence Cannabis Cup – Saturday 4:20PM and 7:10PM
Do you grow some killer nuggs??? Feel the need to show off your Dankness???
Submit your sample for the First Annual House Decadence Cannabis Cup!
There will be 3 judge and we are planning on giving awards to the top placers in all three categories.
Submit 3g sample (one for each judge) to House Decadence by 4:20PM. Awards will be given out at 7:10PM.
Poseidon’s Blade Slave Auction aboard The Poseidon’s Blade – Saturday 6:30PM
Our Capitan has asked to see the most prized slaves of our nation. He has offered real cash to the top male and female sold of 50 dollars each. Second place winners receive 25 cash. Third place receives a prize and half of the dog pounds. Everyone else will receive a 50/50 dog pounds split with the ship. Come bring your best slave 7pm Saturday Night. Slave and spectators should arrive at 6:30pm to register. Entry will end at 6:59pm.
3rd Annual Kilt Walk in the Middle of the Party Compass – Saturday 8PM
We all see lots of boobies at our event (Huzzah for boobies!) but the Kilt Walk aims to provide a little balance and fun. Come dressed in your favorite kilt (or kilt like article of clothing) and show our judges what you got! We are changing up how the judging works a little bit this year, so please read the judging requirements on the Facebook event page.
Dogpounds and a fabulous prize for the winner! Dogpound prize to all top three contestants.
The Kilt walk does NOT discriminate. All genders, sizes, orientations, etc etc welcome!
Catch the Greased up Deaf Guy at House Decadence – Sunday 5PM
No, seriously. We are going to grease a nearly naked guy up and see if anyone can catch him. Bring extra clothes and a towel.
9th Circle of Hell Merchants Party in the Merchants Colosseum – Sunday 9PM-1AM
Sunday night festivities in the merchants circle!
The 9th Circle of hell will once again host your festivities of hedonism. There will be food, a full bar, lounge are/cuddle puddle and a covered dungeon for those who play hard.